Still going…
I am shocked to know I started this blog back in September of 2022! I’ve been so busy with work the last year or so that this blog itself has fallen “off the ledge.” Regardless, once I realized I still have access to it (thanks to not even realizing autopay was on), I figure I’ll get back to journaling this experience.
To get up to date, I still drink. Do I drink as much or as often? Kinda sorta, who knows. One thing I backed off of was overthinking all this. I do what all deniers do… find a way to justify and ignoring how much I drink.
A few months ago, I pondered, hmm, well why do I drink in the first place? Well, it relaxes me and it’s fun! Okay, so what would I do alternatively if I was stressed and bored, not trying to solve those emotions with drinking? Probably eat. And then I’d be on 600 pound life and even higher risk of more comorbidities.
What else could I be doing if I was stressed or bored? Well, I could hire a therapist. And they could make better, right? Maybe. I’ve been to probably 20 therapists in the past… not all for myself, of course. Marriage, kids…. just here and there. The ones I had purely for myself were mostly helpful but at the end of the day were more or less making me broke than better.
I think of all the things I ‘could’ do… and there are. There are alternatives. Do they work as well? Should I take a medication? Wait, those impact your liver too.
One thing I realized is how frustrated I’d get myself every day beating myself up if I drank the night before. I’d give myself the 3rd degree… in my head of course, and realized that too is creating new stress. It’s a lovely cycle right.
So one thing has to be taken out of the cycle… and the easiest is not to overthink or beat myself up about drinking. Take it day by day. Glass by glass. I’m not in physical trouble (yet) and I may be. I may also get cancer, diabetes, and a host of many other things. I’m 48 and even though I exercise regularly and eat healthy… our time on this planet is unknown.
The same unknowns about drinking are the same unknowns about everything else. It sounds like denial, but in a way, it is in fact true. I bet 99% of the population is doing something bad for their health. In some way shape or form, they are. And even those with squeaky clean lifestyle got something else going on. Even too much of what some people think is good, can be bad. We were made humans and imperfection is in our DNA.
But going back to the one thing I have to change… and as I think back, I have always beat myself up. Even when was in my 20s for drinking a few beers at a party. I always gave myself guilt even when it was not “a problem.” So I don’t chastise myself for not logging and using my app, reading the newest book I bought about alcohol or following the expectations I myself set. I need to set smaller expectations and give myself some mental leeway. It’s not black or white. Little achievements add up.
