Just don’t blame it on the alcohol

I know my tolerance level is pretty high. I know I can down a couple drinks an hour and likely no one would notice a thing about me. I’ve been told that so I know it’s not just be over estimating my acting abilities. But sure, am I acting? Probably. I am actively trying to keep myself in check, look alert, not slur… definitely not drag my feet and sway.

It kind of takes the fun away from it I must say though, this acting like I’m not drunk.

Still, it has come to my attention that there is some “point” or moment when moi goes from being a kind hearted, innocent person to a surly bully. It sounds horrible. I know a few times I’ve used a snarky comment or two in the past (particularly when I felt the situation warranted it) but do I envision myself drinking that 3rd glass and my lip curls up deviously as the brain switches to evil woman? No. I personally didn’t think I was ‘that bad.’

Still, it has been told to me… that a few times this has happened, where I tend to go overboard with emotions or comments after a few too many. It is odd though because I always feel like I can remember what I said, what I did… even if it doesn’t match 100% with that person. I mean, heck, what if they are just making shit up to make me feel bad? What if they took it the wrong way? Can I not be imperfect?

Even though there have been a few occasions that I have come close to not recalling my words or behavior, I still don’t think I’ve ever not been at least somewhat attuned to what went on.

Either way, it has been said more than once, and thought of myself becoming a surly monster doesn’t sit well.

So here I go again to take some real actions. I am not willing to try to be perfect. Believe me, I tried that and I just got walked on. But, I’m going to do what it takes not to give anyone a reason to say what I did was because of the alcohol. Snarky self will only appear when sober self says so.