Drama

Amazing how life gets you. You are strolling along just fine, things are looking bright and crash. Crushing metal. I knew it was coming too. I felt it as I remarked in my head a couple weeks ago, ‘life has been so calm lately.’ Seriously, I knew based on all these lovely years of living that you can’t have too much luck, for long anyway.

Without getting into the nitty gritty details which if I continue to rehash and ruminate about will just keep setting me back, a few bad things happened. None in my control but they just happened. So the whole, ‘not drinking’ went on the back burner. I knew if I didn’t numb myself to get through the heartache I might do something worse.

See I was born a very sensitive person. Yes, I know I am. I feel ‘too much’ as they say. Often why I think I fell into this whole habit because really nothing else works. My mind can work a mile a second on the what ifs… my brain goes to the worst absolute scenario, not matter how unlikely.

Have I had therapy for this? Yes. Has it worked? Somewhat. Regardless, the drama of the last couple weeks has really put me in bad headspace. I literally feel the struggle of forcing myself to face the day. And it is nothing but a struggle. I have even started praying… which is tough for me because I’m kind of agnostic. Not atheist but I have no idea who or what is God. So I’m praying to a miscellaneous idea. But hey, if it helps, I’ll do anything.